Life as we know it

Dear Sinners,
I must apologize for my rather unclassy behavior. I have neglected you like an alcoholic neglects reason. But my life has been pretty busy over the past few months. As a way to save myself from a rather boring and uneventful summer I got an internship at a PR firm, which has it's ups and downs, as well as doing slave work at the coffee shop I call work. These two jobs have taken up the majority of my time but I'm back so you can all breath a sigh of relief. As my first post resurrected from my former life I'm going to get personal. So here it is:

Have you ever thought about destiny or fate? I'm not talking about meeting someone and falling in love. I'm talking about your personal destiny. Who you are and what you are destined to become. Recent events in my life have caused me to ponder my choices and reflect on the person I am. Over the years I've tried to change and become a somewhat better person, while still staying the fabulous bitch that I am. But it seems that no matter what I do I always end up being selfish and obnoxious. I thought to myself, Is it really possible to change or are we destined to stay the person we are forever? Looking back over the past year I can see my life has changed both emotionally and physically, but somehow it's still the same. I know I've had a personal growth. I'm not as immature and petty as before but I keep getting put in these situations where my self-centered bitchy attitude comes out. I'm tired of everyone seeing me as the uptight selfish bitch. Don't get me wrong I am all those things, and sometimes proud of it, but I'm also so much more. I can be kind and loving and selfless, but it seems no one sees that. I know I shouldn't care what people think of me but it's just irritating to get a reputation for something you're not anymore. Also if I keep getting put in these situations, is my selfish behaviour a byproduct of destiny and should I just accept that this is the person I will always be? I wish it was that easy to blame destiny or fate. But the truth is I don't know. Maybe I should strive harder to show the new me in said situations? Can people really change? I'm not sure, I'll let you know when I find out.

XXX
hEVANly