20 Is the New 18

Dear Sinners,

Unfortunately I have some terrible news. I am in mourning you see; mourning of my former life. Today is my birthday, and normally this would signify a week-long celebration, but you see I am officially 20. The horror! I know what you're thinking, how could youthful facial features be more than 17, but the truth is I am two decades old. My youth has been wrongfully stolen from me. Gone are my carefree teenage days. Now all I have to look forward to is years of job interviews, mortgages, and hair loss. 10 more years and I'll be 30. I should just kill myself now. 
But no matter, I should act like Meryl Streep and age gracefully. And as I am no longer a teenager it's time a stop my adolescent and childish ways. Yup that's right. No more shots of tequila, dancing around like a fool, spreading rumours, and talking shit behind people's back. This bitch has changed. HA, YEAH RIGHT! Who am I kidding, I'm never going to change. Just because I'm 20 doesn't mean I have to give up all my devilish ways. I'm calling it right now 20 is the new 18. And plus everyone says your 20s are the best time of your life. The partying ways of a teenager mixed with the legality of an adult. What can be better? And don't worry about me turning wrinkly, with stretch marks and varicose veins, as long as there's botox and anti-aging creams I'm going to stay young forever. Happy Birthday to Me, Bitches!

XOXO
hEVANLY